i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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