My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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