sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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