She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
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I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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