it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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