cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
