things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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