new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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