Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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