weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
