Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
