Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
