I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
