I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
