ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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