I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
