I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
