She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
