Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
