I faked an abortion last night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
