hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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