I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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