...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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