Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
