I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
