Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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