so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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