Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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