Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
