Too much gin, very little bucket
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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