Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
