So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
