I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
