I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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