I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the day after is always just damage control
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
