My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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