Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
