some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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