Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
