are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
