I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
