I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
