i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
