I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
