please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
