I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
