drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
