Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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