Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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