im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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