I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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