he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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