I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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