You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
