Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
