he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
