i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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