Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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