You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
