I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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