If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
