I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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