you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
