I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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